Passive-aggressive roommate: Leaves a post-it note for you to clean your dishes.
Aggressively-passive roommate: Pins you up against the wall and asks if you want to go to Costco.
Conflict-Avoidant roommate: washes your dishes and stares at you
Who waves to a selfie Angelia Jolie
on wentzdays we wear eyeliner
on my grave, it will read “regretting all the ships that never sailed” and some people will think it’s poetic, but others will know
i remember when i was in second grade and i saw my sister kiss her female friend on the cheek and i was totally floored because i didn’t know two girls could kiss each other and i went to school and told my friends and we all started kissing each other and i basically started a lesbian uprising
when we were at the airport one time the guy at check-in reminded us that we weren’t allowed to carry sharp objects with us onto the plane and i said “oh damn looks like i’ll have to leave behind my wit” and thats how i made a middle-aged guy laugh so hard he had to get his colleague to take over his check-in desk
what would happen if i actually shared porn on facebook
IM LAUGHING SO HARD PLEASE HELP ME
today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”
to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older
they were going to get fakes to buy fish
Talents: looking really fucking awful in any picture taken of me
are you ever in the middle of saying something or showing someone something and you realize that literally no one cares